Off-Topic Friday: Creative League Trophies

Every Friday I will bring you an off-topic fantasy football column that won’t have much to do of what happens on the fields each week. I love fantasy football, but what I love most is the bashing of friends each week and intricate details that each league has. Along with this goes the trophy that each team provides for their champions and a trophy to the not so good team.

League Champion Trophies

The Starter Jacket

Now if you are between the ages of 24-32 then there is no doubt in my mind you had a starter jacket when you were a kid. I rocked the black Miami Hurricanes jacket from around ages 10-12. Once I hit my growth spurt (what an awkward time) I had to move on to the Penn State starter jacket which I now use for protection during paintball outings in the woods behind my parent's house. Good padding, those paintballs can hurt. You can take one of these old jackets, that I'm sure you have packed away somewhere and present it as your league trophy ever year. Get a patch each season, embroider it with the league champion’s name and sew it onto the jacket. That will cost no more than $7 each season. Make sure the champ wears the jacket at the following draft and may hold on to it through out the year and get a picture of them shoveling (plowing) snow in it.

Milk Can

This is the favorite thing in my house for two reasons. Number 1, I can store and transport a large amount of milk in it and number 2, it is also the trophy we are using for my dynasty league. Did I mention it is in my house? We painted it black (queue the rolling stones intro), put the league name on the top of it and have each year’s league champion on it. Sure, it can be an eyesore sitting in the middle of the living room or un-strategically placed in the kitchen, but not to the league owner who won that thing. You should see the faces of the league owners when that puppy roles into the house looking all shiny and what not. We are talking white glove treatment here. No smudges, no dust. The best part is when you hand it over to the owner, he lifts it above his head as if he was Mark Messier back in ‘95 and puts a hole in the ceiling.

Cinder Block

I’ve started warming up to this idea for a trophy. It’s easy to get, heavy, and has plenty of space to write on. My concern is that it can easily break if dropped and let’s admit, there are usually plenty of adult beverages at any draft party and when you mix that with men and heavy objects, things tend to break. Tables, feet and hardwood floors included. So please be careful if you decide to use this as your league trophy. Now that I think about it I don’t even know why I told you geeks about this idea.


Also under consideration:

Michael Jackson’s White Glove

Fur Coat- Think Howard Eskin

Zubuz Pants-Preferably Zig Zags

Basement Feeder’s Trophy

Here are some trophies to present to the team who finishes last in your league.

Obscure NFL Jersey

Typically, this jersey should be from a player who had a lot of hype coming into the NFL and simply didn’t deliver. Think Ryan Leaf, Brian Bosworth, and soon to be JaMarcus Russell. If you can get your hands on one of these rare jerseys present it to your league’s worst team and make him/her wear it through the duration of the draft and trophy presentation. They have the option of keeping it until the next “Jersey of Obscurity” is decided on. Got to make sure the owner signs it and dates it.



Toilet Bowl Seat

Another option is to have a final week to decide the league’s worst owner. Creativity allows us to name it the Toilet Bowl game. Have the worst two teams at the end of the season and after the championship game if possible to have one final contest. The loser of this game is presented with a toilet bowl seat. Now you can take it a step further with an entire toilet bowl and my hat off to you if you are able to pull it off, but either way a great way to point and laugh at the league’s worst team, without actually having to point. Again, make sure he/she signs the seat.



The Member’s Only Jacket

For you pups who don’t know what I’m talking about, ask your Faja. Don’t speak freaky-deaky dutch? That means ask your father. Through the mid 80’s to early 90’s you couldn’t walk down the street without bumping in to 9 nine guys wearing these bad boys. Commonly known as a loser now, any guy below the age of 50 wearing this should be tar and feathered.  With this trophy, force this owner to go to the bar with all of the other owners and watch the ladies run, not walk, away from this guy. Man, I can’t wait to present this to Joe Carney at the end of the season despite how awesome he is.



Others to keep in mind:

Bobos-Google it.

MC Hammer Trouser’s-You don’t want to touch this

Man Bag- Cause you just don’t want to be see with it.