Off Topic Friday: Worst Types of Owners

I don’t even really need to get into specifics about what I am talking about here.  Anyone reading this has at least one of these types of owners in their leagues.  It is inevitable.  In some ways it is comical.  You talk about it with the owners in the league and pass emails back and forth filled with punch lines about these brutal owners and before you know it you are questioning not only why you invited these slackers into the league, but also questioning your own personal ability to gage someone’s intrinsic worth and even question your friendship with said terrible owner.

The Know-It-All 

“Oh yeah! That’s why I drafted Chris Johnson!  I knew he was going to get plenty of touches.  That’s also why I picked the Titans in my WIP survival pool.”  Oh really fool?  You just happened to have some inside information that Chris Johnson was a good RB? It had nothing to do with the fact that you had the first pick overall and that every fantasy football magazine you opened up told you to draft this guy?  You also knew that the Raiders weren’t any good?  That’s simply amazing. I would have laid 10 large on the Raiders if I hadn’t talked to you.

The Push Over

There is always this one guy who just knows how to swing the balance of the league in the favor of one guy each season with some horrible trade.  It usually starts with a, “Come one Lou.  You really need this trade.  Sure you have Peyton Manning and Wayne, but wouldn’t you rather have his brother Eli, the Raider’s backfield and Sidney Rice?  That’s a 4 for 2 swap!”  After Lou’s first hesitation, he thinks about it and makes the correct decision to not do the trade.  However, then Lou makes the mistake of answering his phone the following Monday.  “Come on Lou.  You still need depth. What if someone gets injured? I know I ripped you off during the fantasy baseball season with the whole CarGo for Heyward trade but this is different.” And suddenly, the league goes from having plenty of parity, to having a one horse race. Gosh dang it Lou!

The “I’m to cool for school” Guy
Yeah, his line-up is set every week by Thursday.  Sure, he’s in first and doesn’t have a loss yet.  But as soon as a couple of chicks come by, any and all evidence that would lead to him having a fantasy football team is erased.  I have some advice for you dude so listen up.  You are who you are.  Don’t pretend like you follow sports and that you aren’t in a league. Every girl assumes that every guy is in a fantasy football league so lying right off the bat may not be the smartest idea because she will find out and assume that you lie about everything. Own up and stop trying to be the Fonz.

The Salesman

As soon as I get an email concerning a trade I use 2 things to evaluate whether or not I will even consider doing the trade.  How many words did they use and did they send it to my work email and personal email.  If either one of these questions is a yes, then I automatically know that this guy is up to something.  It should not take 35 words to explain why I should trade you Andre Johnson.  This sleazy salesman will twist every stat imaginable of why you should “get rid” of Larry Fitzgerald.  If I “NEED” to trade him then why would you want him, huh?  You want my bad player? He’s a bad player on my team but a change of scenery on a new team may inspire him, is that it? Please.  Save your breath and your company time and don’t send me a trade offer that contains a thesis of why I should do the trade. Capish?

The Habitual Name Changer

There may be nothing worse than an owner who changes his team name more than his facebook status.  I mean what is the reason behind this?  Are you trying to confuse the owner you are playing that week so that he doesn’t know who you are?  Do you want the other 11 owners in the league to think that your team is bad just because you changed it to, “Another Loss for this Guy.”  It isn’t going to make me feel bad enough to not start my studs so where are you going with this?

The Whiner

The most brutal agitating owner in all of fantasy sports in the guy who says, “Well I would have won if I started Palmer instead of Kolb,” or the “If Andre Johnson wasn’t double covered all day I would have beaten you.”  Well guess what, you didn’t and you lost.  Stop complaining. Man up. Bite the bullet.  Grow up.  Next time be a better owner and start the right guys instead of making excuses you sorry excuse of a fantasy owner.

The Junk Peddler
"Want Marion Barber, Mike Sims-Walker and Santana Moss for Randy Moss." Uh, what dude?  Were you serious or is something seriously wrong with you.  I know that a two 3's and a 4 equal 10 but not in fantasy football.  I don't need your crappy players for my prized positions.  I need Marion Barber on my team like I need an itch that I can't quite reach in the middle of my back.  Please, do us both a favor and don't come back here until you have something legitimate to offer. Thanks