Sit Them or Start Them: Week 4

Quarterbacks

Start:  I bet there are a lot of upset fantasy football owners that have Carson Palmer.  What is it with this guy?  He was a top pick during this decade but simply cannot produce.  He’s got the weapons.  Now, technically, Palmer did score the 10 points needed for myself to consider it a successful week but he could have done MUCH better.  Go with Sam Bradford this week if you are in a pinch.  Seattle’s pass defense is improving but Sam Bradford is going to have a coming out game.

Sit:  Mark Sanchez is officially a quarterback.  I am totally shocked in his ability to look down field and find open players.  He is turning into a real quarterback and I apologize for my poor pick last week.   I am just puzzled that the game was as high scoring as it was.  Kyle Orton is going to have some real difficulty passing against the Titans this week though.  I think he’ll be under a lot of pressure.

Running Backs

Start:   Charlie Weiss has it really going on over in Kansas City.  Cassel is managing the game and the run game is pretty solid.  Thomas Jones pounded the ball for 95 yards and a touchdown and I expect him to continue with those types of numbers.   Arizona has a needs a huge game from Beanie Wells to overcome the Chargers and I think Beanie Wells can help with that.  He is fresh and is overtaking Hightower in the backfield.

Sit:  I barely missed on this pick last week.  Stephen Jackson pulled off a long TD run which put him over the break point, but is obviously not the runner he once was.  I’s a real shame that he is on such a bad team.    I’d sit Ahmad Bradshaw this week against the Chicago Bears, IF you were considering him. The Bear’s run defense is stout and Urlacher is going to be stopping the run in the backfield all day with the horrific offensive line that New York has.

Wide Receivers

Start:  Demaryious Thomas certainly did not get the catches we were expecting but he did get 6 targets with 4 of those targets in the end zone.  Don’t sleep on this guy despite his poor performance this week.  I suggest starting Greg Jennings this week with the Detroit Lions.  He had had an extremely slow start , but I do have the sense that Green Bay has 4 passing TDs this week and at least one will be a 40 yard touchdown to Jennings.

Sit:  Mike Williams was able to stay alive long enough to get 5 catches for 55 yards and break my minimum.   Tampa Bay has something special down there and I expect this team to be a playoff contender in about 3 years.  Once they sure up that defense this team could be dangerous.   In case you weren’t sure or were living under a rock, Donovan McNabb comes in this week and will be trying to connect with Santana Moss deep down the field.  I don’t see that happening against our defense.  Samuel will shut down the aging veteran to less than 3 catches.

Tight Ends

Start:  Oh wow was I right about Dustin Keller.  Sanchez’s favorite target had 2 touchdowns and will continue to be a productive target.  This week I’d start Jeremy Shockey against a horrific Carolina team.  I think Shockey get at least 6 catches and eclipses 80 yards receiving.  Drew Brees looks for Shockey anytime the get inside the 25 yard line and that will happen often this weekend.

Sit:  Oh wow was I wrong about Tony Gonzalez.  He FINALLY decided to start playing hard and was able to rack up plenty of points this weekend.  I hope that crafty vet keeps it up (for my own personal reasons).  Brent Celek should be sat this weekend if you have any other options.  Last year he only had 7 catches for 41 yards in two games against the Skins and I don’t see that changing.  He has had to block a lot more for Vick’s blindside and will continue to be limited out there.

Yearly Success Rate:  54%.  I really need to hit big this week to keep myself above .500.  I truly believe I will nail 6 of 8 next week.  Possibly more..

5 Waiver Wire Pick Ups

Louis Murphy, WR

If you are in a bind and have a few WR’s on a bye, I suggest picking up Louis Murphy off the waiver wire.  The former roommate of Percy Harvin has 23 targets in 3 games.  Bruce Gradkowski is a better quarterback than Jason Campbell and will find Murphy early and often this week against a poor Houston Texans secondary. 

  Matt Hasselbeck, QB

“We want the ball and we’re gonna score.”  Not sure if he will ever live that down.  Despite this HUGE mistake, he should be a solid bye week  fill in at the QB position.  The Rams secondary is questionable and he shouldn’t get too much pressure.  Expect 2 TDs and about 225 yards passing.

Lance Moore, WR

If you can, go pick up Lance Moore.  I’m not going to go and say this guy is going to continue to produce the way he has but you never know.  He’ll continue to get plenty of looks from the slot position on this pass first offense.  It would not be out of the question for him to continue with about 4 catches a game.

LeGarrett Blount, RB

Does this guy ring a bell?  If not, maybe this will jog your memory (:130 mark of the video).  Dude, has got size and speed and a mean right jab...boom roasted.  He just needs to keep his temper under control and he will be a legitimate RB for the deeper leagues out there.  I sincerely believe that this guy might be the starter in Tampa Bay come December.

Greg Olsen, TE

Olsen is available in about 68% of the leagues out there so if you can pick him up, do so.  The whole, “Martz doesn’t like TEs” crap is done with.  Olsen has been getting plenty of looks from Cutler and could do some damage against the NFC South.

Do You Care About Frank Cap?

I just want to give you a taste of how one of my leagues is going.  I am the two time defending champ in this keeper league so I need to make an adequate defense title, however, I have had the most amount of points scored against me this season which has lead to an 0-2 start. Peyton, Chris Johnson, Wayne, Marshall, DeAngelo, and Witten has lead to an 0-2 start.  With that said, you would then believe me when I tell you I played against that Arian Foster fellow week one and then watched Adrian Peterson torch me last week with his boy Tom Brady.  One thing to remember is that the one team I lost to was the runner up last year (to yours truly if you forgot) and the other played in the third place game so I have played the best teams in the league.  Now this week of course I had to go against Flacco and Boldin so I am up one point going into tonight’s game despite how great my team did this week.  I have Driver and Charles Woodson and the guy I am going against has Brandon Jackson, Jermichael Finley, and Gould.  If Driver can get 8 catches, 70 yards and a TD I should win but the chances of me pulling it out tonight are less than 30%.  I’m more nervous than a 7^th grade kid going to his first dance.  What are my chances of pulling this out?  If you have any kindness in your heart, please pray that Charles Woodson picks off a pass and takes it to the house!

Start Them or Sit Them Week 3: WRs and TEs

Please remember that I consider 10 points in a given week to be the barometer of whether a receiver had a good game.  10 or over is a good game and under that is a poor game.  That is how I based my decisions.  I'm sure some of you may think that it was some random decision that I felt made sense to me personally. This is not the case.

Wide Receivers

Start:  Arrelious Benn must be ticked off huh? I mean he was draft early in the second round but has taken a backseat to fellow rookie WR Mike Williams.  Williams had 2 receptions for 54 and a touchdown which is good for 16 points in PPR (which all of you should be playing).  This week I am going with another rookie Wideout Demaryious Thomas who was one of the Bronco's first round picks this year.  At 6'3", 229 pounds, he is a large target for Kyle Orton, and eventually Tim "3:16" Tebow. 

Sit:  Up until the Eagles packed it in and started playing prevent defense, Calvin Johnson only had 2 catches, but racked up  2 more catches, a TD and 25 yards in the last 2 minutes.   And speaking of the Eagles, I know something happened that was big...I just can't exactly remember.  Was it this Earth shattering news (please please please click it)? No sweat though because Megatron helped me to a week 2 victory of the crybaby I beat in the championship last year.  This week you need to sit Mike Williams because this dude is getting lots of hype and will be in Troy Polamalu's sights all day and Troy may have the most amazing defensive instincts of anyone playing the game right now.

Tight Ends

Start:  Screwed up again people.  I thought for sure Zach Miller was going to find zones in the Rams defense, but Jason Campbell just couldn't get him the ball which is probably why Campbell was trade by the Redskins and is now being benched in favor of Bruce Gradkowski.  Remember that name? He's the guy who beat the Eagles in Tampa Bay with a 63 yard field goal from Matt Bryant at the end of the game (Please a moment of silence for Kevin Kolb).  I know this week that Dustin Keller is the man to start.  With Braylon Edwards now going to be benched for most of the game, Mark Sanchez will need someone to throw it to and Keller should be his go to guy.

Sit:  Last week John Carlson would have gotten you about 9 points, but that just isn't going to cut it in PPR leagues.  This week we need to bench a long time stud.  Tony Gonzalez absolutely needs to be benched until further notice.  He hasn't been able to develop any chemistry and has less than 10 targets.  He's like middle child right now and we all know how that can be.  Just ask Jan Brady.  Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!  Roddy White is Marcia Brady right now and is getting all the looks from Greg Brady. I mean Roddy White. That was weird, huh?

Yearly Success Rate:  I am again at a 63% rate with my 2 mistakes this week.  I would have kept my 75% rate if Calvin wouldn't have caught that late game TD against the birds.  That's why I never use prevent defense in Madden.  Never know whose fantasy football blog you might ruin.

Start Them or Sit Them Week 3: Quarterback's and Running Backs

Quarterback’s

Start:  Now I don’t want to toot my own horn too much, but I got to take a stab at all of you fans who said Kolb was the answer and that McNabb is not a good quarterback…well, it’s now time bow down and admit that I was right, that we never should have gotten rid of McNabb in favor of Kolb.  Last week I told you Vick was going to get 24 points for you and he got you around 28 and he parlayed that into a starting job.  Somewhere McNabb’s stomach hurts from laughter.  This week absolutely start Carson Palmer against a pathetic pass defense in Carolina.  No less than 250 yards passing and 3 TDs.

Sit:  Wow was I wrong about the Cowboys.  I thought for sure they were going to bring the noise against the Bears this weekend, but Cutler sliced and diced the Cowgirls.  I was hoping that I was wrong and I am a happy Eagles fan today.  This weekend bench Mark Sanchez as there is no way he passes for more than 175 yards against the Dolphins.  They will need to put their trust into Shonn Greene and LT2 if they want to win this game.

Running Backs

Start:  Well “Run DMC” was in full effect this weekend and I called it.  McFadden is finally starting to slow down and find the holes and his role as a starting running back should be cemented.  The QB position is another area that no one has the answer to for the Oakland Raiders.  Thomas Jones is the guy to start this week.  He is the lead dog out there in KC and will score 2 TDs this week.

Sit:  Totally shocked that Moreno was able to do what he did against the Jags.  He still averaged a pathetic 2.1 yards per carry but was more involved in the passing game which was what shocked me.  I’ll eat crow on that one.  This week bench Steven Jackson.  The Redskins are holding RBs to 3.5 yards per carry so the chances that Steven Jackson can gain more than 60 yards with his horrible offense line are very low.

Yearly Success Rate:  So far I am at a 63% with my predictions which is still okay but I'd like to be closer to 75%. Moreno and Cutler each had a better week than I expected.  Cutler tore up a terrible Cowboy's defense, which makes me very happy.  Moreno still couldn't run the ball but his receiving game played a significant part.

Studs and Duds: Week 2

STUDS

QB:  To say that the Atlanta Falcons got ripped off when the traded Matt Schaub to the Texans would be an understatement.  Schaub threw for almost 500 yards this weekend and is again on his way to leading the league in passing again.Dude is a week in and week out STUD.  It's kinda easy to do that though with this kind of offense and protection. Andy I hope you are learning lesson.

RB:  A friend of mine said that I should be careful about the information I share on my blog because my friends may take advantage of it and boy was she right. This season a guy in my league took the liberty of drafting Jahvid Best in the fourth round, 2 picks ahead of me, and went on to torch me this week in our match-up.  I knew this guy was going to be a STUD, but I don't think I expected 3 more TDs. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about read this.

WR:   It amazes me that there is a human being on Earth with Andre Johnson's speed, size and agility.  The things he can do on a field will continue to make him the most dominant Wide Receiver in the league. Another thing that amazes me is the arrogance of DeAngelo Hall.  Why can't you just admit that you got beat by a nodoubtaboutitSTUD (yes there are no spaces because it may or may not sound cooler)?

TE:  Antonio Gates.  Not only are you a dominant post presence on Pros vs. Joes but you are just as dominant running a seam pattern.  2 more touchdowns on the year for this STUD and the biggest crybaby quarterback(insert any image of Phillip Rivers complaining but this will do) is asking, "Who's Vincent Jackson?"

DUDS

QB:  Most quarterbacks would have been benched if they threw 4 interceptions in the game, but Baltimore's defense kept them in it till the end.  I highly doubt we will see Joe Flacco here the rest of the season. Then again, they do play the Bengals again so you never know.

RB: Carnel Williams.  I am not even going to call you Cadillac Williams anymore because Cadillac's are cool. You my friend are not.  Less than 2 yards per carry? Are you serious?  Were you guys only using 3 blockers?

WR:  Start the countdown.  Two more weeks until Terrell Owens starts complaining...

TE:  Tony Gonzalez means well, but he's old.  Also, apparently Matt Ryan has some sort of man crush on Roddy White so the chances of Gonzalez getting any significant targets in the near future are dwindling.

Off Topic Friday: Worst Types of Owners

I don’t even really need to get into specifics about what I am talking about here.  Anyone reading this has at least one of these types of owners in their leagues.  It is inevitable.  In some ways it is comical.  You talk about it with the owners in the league and pass emails back and forth filled with punch lines about these brutal owners and before you know it you are questioning not only why you invited these slackers into the league, but also questioning your own personal ability to gage someone’s intrinsic worth and even question your friendship with said terrible owner.

The Know-It-All 

“Oh yeah! That’s why I drafted Chris Johnson!  I knew he was going to get plenty of touches.  That’s also why I picked the Titans in my WIP survival pool.”  Oh really fool?  You just happened to have some inside information that Chris Johnson was a good RB? It had nothing to do with the fact that you had the first pick overall and that every fantasy football magazine you opened up told you to draft this guy?  You also knew that the Raiders weren’t any good?  That’s simply amazing. I would have laid 10 large on the Raiders if I hadn’t talked to you.

The Push Over

There is always this one guy who just knows how to swing the balance of the league in the favor of one guy each season with some horrible trade.  It usually starts with a, “Come one Lou.  You really need this trade.  Sure you have Peyton Manning and Wayne, but wouldn’t you rather have his brother Eli, the Raider’s backfield and Sidney Rice?  That’s a 4 for 2 swap!”  After Lou’s first hesitation, he thinks about it and makes the correct decision to not do the trade.  However, then Lou makes the mistake of answering his phone the following Monday.  “Come on Lou.  You still need depth. What if someone gets injured? I know I ripped you off during the fantasy baseball season with the whole CarGo for Heyward trade but this is different.” And suddenly, the league goes from having plenty of parity, to having a one horse race. Gosh dang it Lou!

The “I’m to cool for school” Guy
Yeah, his line-up is set every week by Thursday.  Sure, he’s in first and doesn’t have a loss yet.  But as soon as a couple of chicks come by, any and all evidence that would lead to him having a fantasy football team is erased.  I have some advice for you dude so listen up.  You are who you are.  Don’t pretend like you follow sports and that you aren’t in a league. Every girl assumes that every guy is in a fantasy football league so lying right off the bat may not be the smartest idea because she will find out and assume that you lie about everything. Own up and stop trying to be the Fonz.

The Salesman

As soon as I get an email concerning a trade I use 2 things to evaluate whether or not I will even consider doing the trade.  How many words did they use and did they send it to my work email and personal email.  If either one of these questions is a yes, then I automatically know that this guy is up to something.  It should not take 35 words to explain why I should trade you Andre Johnson.  This sleazy salesman will twist every stat imaginable of why you should “get rid” of Larry Fitzgerald.  If I “NEED” to trade him then why would you want him, huh?  You want my bad player? He’s a bad player on my team but a change of scenery on a new team may inspire him, is that it? Please.  Save your breath and your company time and don’t send me a trade offer that contains a thesis of why I should do the trade. Capish?

The Habitual Name Changer

There may be nothing worse than an owner who changes his team name more than his facebook status.  I mean what is the reason behind this?  Are you trying to confuse the owner you are playing that week so that he doesn’t know who you are?  Do you want the other 11 owners in the league to think that your team is bad just because you changed it to, “Another Loss for this Guy.”  It isn’t going to make me feel bad enough to not start my studs so where are you going with this?

The Whiner

The most brutal agitating owner in all of fantasy sports in the guy who says, “Well I would have won if I started Palmer instead of Kolb,” or the “If Andre Johnson wasn’t double covered all day I would have beaten you.”  Well guess what, you didn’t and you lost.  Stop complaining. Man up. Bite the bullet.  Grow up.  Next time be a better owner and start the right guys instead of making excuses you sorry excuse of a fantasy owner.

The Junk Peddler
"Want Marion Barber, Mike Sims-Walker and Santana Moss for Randy Moss." Uh, what dude?  Were you serious or is something seriously wrong with you.  I know that a two 3's and a 4 equal 10 but not in fantasy football.  I don't need your crappy players for my prized positions.  I need Marion Barber on my team like I need an itch that I can't quite reach in the middle of my back.  Please, do us both a favor and don't come back here until you have something legitimate to offer. Thanks

Start Them or Sit Them: Wide Receiver's and Tight Ends

Start Them

Wide Receivers

Start:  I knew Terrell Owens would get plenty of targets (13), but I was expecting more YAC (Yards after Catch).  In a PPR league he would have had 12 points which is slightly above average.  This week go get Mike Williams of the Tampa Buccaneers and watch him dice up the Panthers this weekend.  He had 9 targets last week and I expect that to increase against a pathetic pass defense.

Sit:  It would be easy for me to go and say to not start Randy Moss this week because they are going against the Jets.  However, I think Moss will have an okay weekend. Last week I was wrong about Boldin, Revis only matched up against Boldin 3 times in the game.  For some absurd reason, the Jets took their best defense player and best cornerback in the league and put him on the 2^nd and 3^rd receivers.  Not sure what that was about it.  Don’t start Calvin Johnson if you don’t have to.  He has a poor QB throwing to him this week and the Eagles defense is going to step it up against another weak offensive line.

Tight Ends

Start:  Shiancoe ripped it up last week as I had predicted (4 catches, 76 yards, TD).  This week go and get Zach Miller of the Oakland Raiders and watch him run circles around the St. Louis Rams defense.  It’s kind of like picking on the small, blonde hair kid at recess, but we are trying to win games here, not make friends.

Sit: Last week I told you to bench John Carlson.  3 catches for 36 yards against a 3-4 defense is a little more than I had predicted, but still not impressive.  This week throw Mercedes Lewis on the bench.  Owners are picking him up like crazy thinking he will score 2 TDs each week.  This would be incorrect.  He is fools gold.

Yearly Success Rate for WR/TE Start Them/Sit Them:  75%.  Again I was 3 for 4.  Missed out on Boldin but my thought process is correct.  I’m guessing Revis just isn’t in shape to cover someone with Boldin’s size right now.  Owens and Shiancoe would have combined for 11 catches, 128 yards and a TD.  Not bad for a #2 WR and a third tier TE.

Start Them or Sit Them: QB's and RB'S

Start Them

Quarterback’s

Start:  So apparently Stafford is turning into Mr. Glass.  Sorry about that.  I can’t predict injuries.  I still think this guy will have a solid year once he comes back.  But this week I am going to pick up Michael Vick and watch him shine.  He may not be an efficient quarterback this week but he will steal some points for you if you were unhappy about your fantasy football quarterback last week.   I.E. Kevin “I can’t throw an out pattern” Kolb.  Expect 60 yards rushing, 200 yards passing, 2 TDs and a turnover.

Sit:    I hope you listened last week.  I said DO NOT START JOE FLACCO and what happened?  248 yards, 0 TDs, 1 Int, and a fumble.  In a basic scoring league that is a 5 point night.  On Sunday I would stay away from Jay Cutler. The Cowboy’s are ticked off from losing to the Redskins and are going to lay the smack down on the Bears.  Expect 3 picks minimum.  On a side note, I am hoping that I am wrong because there is nothing I want to see more than the Cowboys starting the season 0-2.

Running Back

Start:  Last week I said to go with Tim Hightower and I was for the most partrrect.  He had 13 points in standard scoring leagues despite having 2 fumbles.  He should have had more rushing opportunities but those fumbles did not sit well with the coaching staff.  This week I am going to keep picking on the St. Louis Rams run defense.  Start Darren McFadden as your #2 running back and look for a 100 yard game.  St. Louis is just pathetic against the run.

Sit:  Don’t even consider starting Knowshon Moreno next weekend.  He could barely run against the Jacksonville Jaguars so there is no reason to believe he can do it against the Seahawks who shut the door on Frank Gore limiting him to 2.2 yards per carry.  If you don’t think I am right, remember that I told you NOT to start Ryan Grant against the Eagles.  Ryan Grant is now walking on crutches for the next 3 months.

Yearly Success Rate for QB/RB Start Them/Sit Them: 75%.  I was right about Stafford until he separated his shoulder so it doesn’t count as a good “Start Them” pick.  However, I was correct about benching Ryan Grant and Joe Flacco who combined for a total of 9 points.  Tim Hightower had a quality performance with 13 points.

Studs and Duds for Week 1

STUDS

QB:  If you are a Peyton Manning owner you probably won your match-up this weekend.  If you didn’t then you either faced Arian Foster this week or missed fantasy football 101 freshman year.  433 yards passing for 3 TD’s.  This is the best thing that could have happened to the Colts.  They realized they have NO running game and will need to rely on Peyton all year.  Looks like another MVP award is right around the corner, because this guy is a STUD!

RB:  Uhhh, if I have to tell you who the STUD is this week at RB then you must have been living under a rock this weekend.  Arian Foster blew up this weekend and if he was a free agent in your league shame on you for missing out on his 233 yards rushing along with 3 TD’s.  I told you that this was going to be the breakout RB of the season.  You have got to start listening to the Frank Cap.

WR:  So apparently the Redskins did not cover Miles Austin this weekend.  He caught everything thrown to him. Everything!  I cannot believe this guy went undrafted in the NFL Draft.  10 catches, 146 yards, and a TD=STUD.  I’m not going to give it to Ocho Cinco because 10 of his 12 catches came in the second half after the Patriots decided to go easy on the Bengals.

TE:  Dallas Clark is going to have 100 catches again this season.  No doubt about it.  He’s barely even a TE.   He is constantly lined up in the slot and no one can cover him.  11 catches for 80 yards and a scored makes him the STUD TE of the week!

DUDS:

QB:  As much as it pains me to say it, Kevin Kolb looks more and more like Bobby Hoying everyday. Granted it was the best defense from a year ago, you got to get more than 25 yards passing in a half.  He should have had multiple INTs but they were dropped which doesn’t sit well with me as an Eagles fan when it comes to his decision making process.  I said it from day one and you can argue with me all you want, but the Eagles traded the wrong Quarterback.

RB:  EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!  Shonn Greene, running back for the New York Jets is missing.  He was last seen hobbling off the field against the Baltimore Ravens during his dismal performance of 18 yards rushing and 2 fumbles.  Reports are that he is Frank Cap’s dud of the week!

WR:  After Mike Singletary called him out for his lazy performance, 1,932,784 fantasy football owners called him out as well.  Where was Michael Crabtree exactly? They weren’t double covering so why couldn’t Smith get him the ball?  Hope he isn't this big of a dud the rest of the season.

TE: Hi.  My name is Jason Witten and I am a blockaholic.  My offensive line has so many holes in it that I need to stay in and block a lot.  When this happens, my friend Tony doesn’t throw me the ball.  This leads to pathetic performances like the one I had on Sunday night.  I only had 3 catches for 27 yards.  My owners are calling me a Dud. I hope Alex Barron can learn to block on his own sometime this year.

Off-Topic Friday: Best Fantasy Football Team Names

It is Friday again everyone and that means its time for another off-topic fantasy football topic. Most of you liked the article last week about creative fantasy football trophies and I appreciate the feedback. I’m going to continue this week with some fantasy football team names that have stuck out this past season. Some of you are still struggling for a team name so feel free to borrow one. If you are sitting there wondering if the default option that ESPN gives you is suitable for the rest of the season, think again. “Team Orlicki” and “Team Bertulis” just isn’t going to cut it.


GymTanLaundry: Ah, time to pay my dues to the bad boys and girls of Jersey Shore. For you avid watchers, you know it better as, G.T.L. For those of you who haven't had the privledge, start watching so that you can shrink your brain cell count along with the rest of America.  Not sure how many sayings are out there that can be characterized as a punch line and also include three separate errands. Bravo, The Situation! Bravo!

Ed Hoculi’s Biceps:  His arms may be large, but his on field capacity to officiate a game is much smaller. I must give him credit where credit is due. He is very deliberate in his descriptions of what happens on the field and once needed 91 words to explain an illegal procedure infraction. This guy is a lawyer as well so we are starting to see where the deliberateness is coming from. I'll quit badgering the witness, your honor.

Brett’s Bucket List: Father-time is starting to catch up to Brett Favre. We saw that last night with a bad showing (15-27, 171 yards, TD, INT) at the ripe old age of 40. Maybe Brett’s Bucket List includes blowing a second consecutive NFC Championship game.

He Hate Me: Rod Smart unofficially was unofficially better at branding than the XFL that gave him his fame, or lack there of with the name “surname” of “He Hate Me”. When Rod finally made it to the NFL, he changed his name to “He hit me” and then quickly to “He Cut Me” when the Eagles cut him at the end of the 2001 season. Also, who would of thought that this guy was his first cousin.

Large Farva:  Thorny-“Will you just order a large farva.”

Farva-“I don’t want a large farva. I want a goddamn liter of cola.”

Not sure how “Super Troopers” plays into fantasy football names but it brings a smile to my face when I see it so it makes the list.

I love Erin Andrews: As do I Mikey. As do I. I envy you Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

The Name…Is Dalton:  Score one for the cheesy-slash-awesome (yeah I typed it out) 1980’s bar fighting movies. If, and this is a big IF, I could come back as someone in life, I would come back as Dalton from Roadhouse and tell the hot chick in the E.R., “Pain don’t hurt.”

Dad, who is Reno Mahe: Dad would probably say, “Before the flying Hawaiian, there was the…Crab Fry…Making..Hawaiian…Guy.” Known best for being just above marginal so that he could make the Eagles team but was so below average that he would fair catch EVERYTHING! He wasn’t as much of a punt returner as he was a punt catcher. That should sum it up.

Cowboys Suck: Now you could insert any NFC East teams sans the Eagles here and I would be okay with it. I saw this one and it brought me back to my Uncle asking my 6 year old cousin, “Who’s your favorite cowboy?” and my cousin saying, “John Wayne.” My six year old cousin knows that Dallas sucks. If he learns nothing else in life, he will still know more than any Dallas fan. I severely dislike everything Dallas, so this appeases me. Yes I will be rooting for D-Mac on Sunday night! I pray he comes out playing the air guitar to "Welcome to the Jungle."

Days of our Favre:   Each June the same monotonous question about Brett Favre comes up. I’ll admit it used to be entertaining. I used to admire Brett Favre, but to drag this out year after year is similar to a daytime soap opera and is also unfair to fans. This guy is a glorified diva that belongs on the show which encourages drama and eternalized people coming back from the dead.

5 Predictions for the Fantasy Football Season

On the day of the 2010 NFL Kickoff, I thought it would be a good time to go over some of my bold, or not so bold, predictions for the 2010 fantasy football season.  Please excuse my bias towards the Eagles or hatred for the biggest undiagonosed manic depressive I have ever heard of.  Let's start with him..

Brett Favre will return to Brett Favre. Interceptions will be handed out all across the league and he’ll conveniently blame it on his ankle or some other abstract injury that no one will know about. His only threw 7 interceptions last year and I expect it to at least double and expect his TD passes to drop into the low 20’s. He’ll barely be a #2 QB by the end of the season.


Chris Johnson will ghost ride his whip (made more famous by Marshawn Lynch) to the stadium each week and have more fantasy points than last year. Yes. That’s correct. More TDs will put him over his mark from last year. Marshall Faulk we’ll be moving down to the 3rd all time leader in yards from scrimmage.

Your Philadelphia Eagles will have the best Defense/Special Team in the league for fantasy scoring. With Brandon Graham and Trent Cole pressuring the quarterback, we will see more rushed passes, which will lead to more interceptions and also more sacks. Expect a minimum of 50 sacks this season with 4 this weekend against the Packers. Broken turnstiles on the edges. Turnstiles.

Despite having those said turnstiles, Rodgers will still lead the league in TD passes. Simon says 44. Unfortunately he’ll start the season with 2 against the Iggles. But, don’t expect me to give you a prediction of the game this weekend, that’s above my pay grade.

Michael Crabtree and Calvin Johnson will be the leading Wide Receiver’s this season. Both are the up and coming WRs in the league and if these guys are on your team, get pumped. Or as some of you forty something’s would say, “That’s boss.” And for you 80 something’s out there that are reading this and dominating your leagues, “It’s the bee’s knees.”

Start Them or Them: WR's amd TE's

Yesterday I wrote about the QB’s and RB’s to start this week if you are in a bind. Well, today we have WR’s and TE’s to make some tough decisions on. There is no doubt in my mind that there are some of you that took Santanio Holmes or Vincent Jackson, not knowing that those players were suspended. All I have to say is shame on you for not doing your research. Also, don’t give me this Todd Heap on a comeback junk. He is old, overrated and NEVER going to have a comeback year.

Wide Receivers

Start: How many of you out there wanted T.O. to get paid the season after the Super Bowl? Who enjoyed the sit-ups in the drive way? Who doesn’t find this guy amusing? Dad put your hand down. I am aware of how you feel about him. Despite all of his character flaws as a human being and his ridiculous arrogance, Terrell Owens can still play. He is a freak of nature that will probably play till he is 40. Pick him up if he is a free agent in your league. Start this guy every week if you drafted him. He will get his targets versus the Patriots since their top CB is out for the season.

Sit: This goes hand in hand with my recommendation to sit Joe Flacco. Anquan Boldin will be matched up against Darrell Revis Monday night and the chance that Boldin catches more than 4 passes is slim to none. Flacco will be checking down to Rice and looking for Mason when he needs a first down. Man I can’t wait to watch Hard Knocks tonight.

Tight Ends

Start: Since Sidney Rice’s ego hurting, Brett Favre will need to target someone else in the passing game. With a weak New Orleans defense and a rusty Brett Favre, I expect a lot of completions under 15 yards to the running backs and Visanthe Shiancoe. His is a big target inside the Red Zone and I predict that Brett Favre’s first passing TD this year will be thrown to Shiance.

Sit: John Carlson rocketed up the draft boards last season and had a poor year due to a horrible offense and had to stay in to help block on the blindslide when Walter Jones went down. Well his replacement Russell Okung is out for the first week so Carlson should expect to stay in and block against San Fran’s 3-4 defense. I don’t expect more than 2 catches for 17 yards this weekend.

Start Them or Sit Them: QB's and RB's

Didn’t get a stud running back in the draft? Not sure who to put in at QB? Think I’m crazy? I am going to go through which borderline players to start in week one as well as the players to stay away from. Today I will go over the Quarterbacks and Running Backs. So, I’m not going to tell you to start Drew Brees or Peyton Manning or Peterson or Turner. These are strictly players who aren’t players that are guaranteed locks every week. I’m sure you get the drift. If not, then I would quote the great philosophizer Curtis Jackson that once said, “I’m not talking fast, you just listening slow.”


Quarterback’s

Start: If you are one of the owner’s that totally forgot that you need to draft a quarterback then Matt Stafford will be your saving grace this week. You may be asking yourself, “How could anyone forget to draft a quarterback.” My answer would be anyone who drafted Matt Leinhart and Jay Cutler. Neither of these gentlemen are a starting quarterback’s in the NFL. Leinhart was a starting quarterback when most owners drafted him and Cutler is often mistaken for a quarterback but is actually a professional interception machine and is very good at it. Stafford is going to torch an overrated Chicago defense. The Bears have no decent cornerbacks and an overrated middle linebacker. And yes I will say that to his face!


Sit: Joe Flacco is going to have a great year this season; however, it won’t start until week 2. Darrell Revis just signed and is arguably the best cornerback in the NFL. He is going to shut down Anquan Boldin. This game will have a lot of carries for each team and I simply don’t expect a lot of scoring in this game.  Revis Island will doom Flacco this weekend.


Running Backs

Start: Most owners see Beanie Wells tearing it up this year and I believe he will as well as soon as he passes Tim Hightower on the depth chart. Hightower is the guy I would go with this week if you need a RB to start. He is a available in about 69% of the leagues out there so go pick him up, especially if you are in a PPR league and watch him get a TD and about 110 yards from scrimmage.


Sit: So yes, I am a lunatic Eagles fan. This is not me being all proud and beating my chest that the Eagles defense is amazing. I just don’t think Ryan Grant is a good running back. He is in a pass first offense and is simply not the main cog in the offense. He won’t have more than 50 yards total. I also smell a big time fumble for him this weak.

Off-Topic Friday: Creative League Trophies

Every Friday I will bring you an off-topic fantasy football column that won’t have much to do of what happens on the fields each week. I love fantasy football, but what I love most is the bashing of friends each week and intricate details that each league has. Along with this goes the trophy that each team provides for their champions and a trophy to the not so good team.

League Champion Trophies

The Starter Jacket

Now if you are between the ages of 24-32 then there is no doubt in my mind you had a starter jacket when you were a kid. I rocked the black Miami Hurricanes jacket from around ages 10-12. Once I hit my growth spurt (what an awkward time) I had to move on to the Penn State starter jacket which I now use for protection during paintball outings in the woods behind my parent's house. Good padding, those paintballs can hurt. You can take one of these old jackets, that I'm sure you have packed away somewhere and present it as your league trophy ever year. Get a patch each season, embroider it with the league champion’s name and sew it onto the jacket. That will cost no more than $7 each season. Make sure the champ wears the jacket at the following draft and may hold on to it through out the year and get a picture of them shoveling (plowing) snow in it.

Milk Can

This is the favorite thing in my house for two reasons. Number 1, I can store and transport a large amount of milk in it and number 2, it is also the trophy we are using for my dynasty league. Did I mention it is in my house? We painted it black (queue the rolling stones intro), put the league name on the top of it and have each year’s league champion on it. Sure, it can be an eyesore sitting in the middle of the living room or un-strategically placed in the kitchen, but not to the league owner who won that thing. You should see the faces of the league owners when that puppy roles into the house looking all shiny and what not. We are talking white glove treatment here. No smudges, no dust. The best part is when you hand it over to the owner, he lifts it above his head as if he was Mark Messier back in ‘95 and puts a hole in the ceiling.

Cinder Block

I’ve started warming up to this idea for a trophy. It’s easy to get, heavy, and has plenty of space to write on. My concern is that it can easily break if dropped and let’s admit, there are usually plenty of adult beverages at any draft party and when you mix that with men and heavy objects, things tend to break. Tables, feet and hardwood floors included. So please be careful if you decide to use this as your league trophy. Now that I think about it I don’t even know why I told you geeks about this idea.


Also under consideration:

Michael Jackson’s White Glove

Fur Coat- Think Howard Eskin

Zubuz Pants-Preferably Zig Zags

Basement Feeder’s Trophy

Here are some trophies to present to the team who finishes last in your league.

Obscure NFL Jersey

Typically, this jersey should be from a player who had a lot of hype coming into the NFL and simply didn’t deliver. Think Ryan Leaf, Brian Bosworth, and soon to be JaMarcus Russell. If you can get your hands on one of these rare jerseys present it to your league’s worst team and make him/her wear it through the duration of the draft and trophy presentation. They have the option of keeping it until the next “Jersey of Obscurity” is decided on. Got to make sure the owner signs it and dates it.



Toilet Bowl Seat

Another option is to have a final week to decide the league’s worst owner. Creativity allows us to name it the Toilet Bowl game. Have the worst two teams at the end of the season and after the championship game if possible to have one final contest. The loser of this game is presented with a toilet bowl seat. Now you can take it a step further with an entire toilet bowl and my hat off to you if you are able to pull it off, but either way a great way to point and laugh at the league’s worst team, without actually having to point. Again, make sure he/she signs the seat.



The Member’s Only Jacket

For you pups who don’t know what I’m talking about, ask your Faja. Don’t speak freaky-deaky dutch? That means ask your father. Through the mid 80’s to early 90’s you couldn’t walk down the street without bumping in to 9 nine guys wearing these bad boys. Commonly known as a loser now, any guy below the age of 50 wearing this should be tar and feathered.  With this trophy, force this owner to go to the bar with all of the other owners and watch the ladies run, not walk, away from this guy. Man, I can’t wait to present this to Joe Carney at the end of the season despite how awesome he is.



Others to keep in mind:

Bobos-Google it.

MC Hammer Trouser’s-You don’t want to touch this

Man Bag- Cause you just don’t want to be see with it.

What Running Backs to Target (And Not Target) in the Middle Rounds

Chris Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice. Those are going to be the first 3 picks in every draft this week. If you are one of the owners who are oh so lucky to have the chance to be drafting in the top 3, or even top 5 for that matter, then you won’t have to worry about who your #1 RB is going to be this year. The question becomes who is going to be your #2 RB?

I could have been unoriginal and go on a tangent like these other bloggers do about how awesome Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson are going to be this year. What clever quip would work here? Been there, done that? That dog won’t hunt? You pick. Today, I am strictly talking about the running backs who are on average the 11th through 25th players picked at their respective position. I feel that in middle rounds (5-9) is where the leagues are won so we need to look at some of those RBs that will be available in those rounds. For you “newbies” that think the 6th round is useless just stop and think about how many owners drafted Ray Rice in round 6 last year. “Comin out of Rutgers U via the Dirty Jerz, Raaaaay Riiiice!” I couldn’t help myself, sorry. He carried many owners to fantasy football glory last season and I guarantee you there is a RB that will be drafted in the mid-rounds this season as well that will be a top 5 RB this year and I, The Frank Cap, will bring it to you. Here are some thoughts of who DEFINITELY won't be and who it COULD be.

Who Won’t Be…

Brandon Jacobs, New York Giants: Let’s take a second to analyze Brandon Jacobs ho is on average being drafted 60th overall versus his teammate Ahmad Bradshaw with an average draft position of 78. Those numbers should be swapped out with one another! Are you geeks watching the pre-season? Do you know that Ahmad is getting most of the carries? Why is anyone taking Jacobs before Bradshaw? Come on man! Bradshaw is getting the carries, catches and he is in there on third downs. Sure he may lose goal line carries but how many times a year does that come into play? I’m willing to bet that the average draft position will slowly change over the next 10 days as more drafts are done but people, please I beg you, DON’T DRAFT BRANDON JACOBS! This clown averaged 3.7 yards per carry last season and just won’t be healthy come fantasy playoff time. I’ll give you a pass if you draft Ahmad Bradshaw and then Jacobs as the hand-cuff.

Clinton Portis, Washington Redskirts: If you want to talk about someone who’s riding the coattail of his own name then insert Clinton Portis. Yeah, sure, he was great at “The U” and his first 7 years in the league, but his production (and psyche) last season was downright embarrassing. Everyone just remembers the old Portis and blocks out the Portis of today. Drafting him is like when owners were drafting Torry Holt in Rd 3 circa 2007. Portis has over 2,700 touches combined from college and in his professional career and his body is slowly breaking down. And he is also crazy! He makes Joaquin Phoenix look sane. Google “Clinton Portis costumes” and “Joaquin Phoenix” and get back to me. If you come back and tell me this Clinton hasn’t had a few screws knocked loose then I’ll have you committed! He’s a quitter and won’t be around come week 14 when the Redskins are 3-9 and out of the playoffs. He’ll either become crazy or hurt (maybe even both).

Who Could Be…

Knowshon Moreno, Denver Broncos: Other than having an awesome name, he is in a great situation. He has a serviceable Quarterback in Kyle Orton that will be smart enough to audible a running play at the line as well as check down to him when there is no one open downfield. This will happen often as Jabar Gaffney is the #1 WR in Denver, who couldn’t beat out Greg Lewis while he was trying out for the Eagles. Pathetic. Knowshon had a serious hamstring injury this off-season and is slipping in a lot of drafts. He may be a steal come round 6 if he is still there. Hamstrings are hard to recover from so make sure you consider what round you are in before you take this cat. Anything before round 4 is simply too early. Start monitoring him at the beginning of round 5 and if he is there in the 6th snatch him up. There is a slight risk here, but it is late enough in the draft where it won’t hurt your team.

Jonathan Stewart, Carolina Panthers: Here come the WHAA-BULANCE owners complaining that Stewart splits time and DeAngelo is going to get all the touches and what not. Well that is all true but Stewart saw his carries increase by 20% last season and he has averaged 5.1 yards per carry. John Fox has a run first philosophy, whether he wants to or not, and DeAngelo and Stewart will get plenty of touches. Again, don’t target him too early. He is dropping in drafts since he hasn’t played all off-season due to an off-season knee surgery. Owners feel he may not be at a top level but he hasn’t missed a game in his professional career. For the owners who draft in the top 3 take this guy if he snakes back around to at the end of the 6th or beginning of the 7th. Great value!

My prediction

Arian Foster, Houston Texans: Not one RB this pre-season has flown up the rankings quicker than this guy. Foster came on strong at the end of last season and has had a great pre-season. I really wish I would have started this blog before Foster had a coming out party against the Cowgirls (if you can’t tell yet I am an Iggles Fan). If you don’t believe me, ask my buddy Taser who I may well have ripped off in a trade to get Foster about 2 weeks ago. When I heard Maurice Jones-Drew say that he had inside information that Foster was the sleeper of the season and that he drafted him in his own league, I had to go get him. He is slipping into the early party of the 5th round in some leagues and if he does in your league, you may have this year’s version of Ray Rice.

Friday I will bring to you an off topic fantasy football entry to prepare you for the season…

Low Cost Creative Trophies for the League Champion

And for the readers that are sending me direct emails, please leave comments on the blog so that I can respond to everyone at once.  You're questions are all similar so I'd like to respond to all of them at once.  Leave a comment and I will respond every Sunday to any questions you may have.